Parish bereavement programs help people cope with death and dying, funeral planning

By Mary Ann Wyand

“Stewardship of Last Things,” a four-part educational series about death and dying presented by St. Thomas Aquinas Parish’s bereavement ministry, begins with a panel discussion titled “Be Not Afraid—A Discussion About Our Inevitable Fate” on Nov. 16 in the Bethany Room at the Indianapolis North Deanery church at 46th and Illinois streets.

St. Thomas Aquinas parishioner Sally Debono of Indianapolis, a member of the bereavement committee, said the first program begins at 7 p.m. and will conclude by 9 p.m. Other sessions are scheduled on Feb. 15, May 17 and Oct. 18.

The panelists are Jo Groves, a registered nurse on Wishard Memorial Hospital’s palliative care team in Indianapolis; Jim Obergfell, a religion teacher at Cathedral High School in Indianapolis; and Father William Munshower, pastor. They will discuss fear of death, how faith helps people cope with illness and death, and the impact of death in daily life.

The other programs scheduled next year will address “Medical and Ethical Issues at the End of Life,” “Wills—Why and How—and Content,” and “Planning a Funeral.”

Debono, who also volunteers in hospice ministry, said the goals of the four-part series are “to contemplate and facilitate by education our responsibilities at the end of our lives and those of our loved ones.”

She said the programs are intended to “increase spiritual awareness of death and dying issues for us as Resurrection people, provide an opportunity for discussion of our mortality and immortality within a trusting community, provide education and resources on ethical and practical matters we may have to handle, and facilitate the responsible writing of wills, advanced directives and funeral planning.”

It’s natural for people to fear death, she said. “That’s very human. We’ve made great efforts on our committee to get ourselves educated and to bring people in to share their experience on a parish level. We help the families plan their funeral services now.”

St. Thomas Aquinas Parish started its bereavement ministry in 1999, she said, with help from the bereavement committee at St. Monica Parish in Indianapolis.

Marilyn Hess, associate director of healing ministries for the archdiocesan Office of Family Ministries, said parish-based bereavement programs are invaluable in helping families during times of crisis.

“Bereavement ministry in parishes is growing for various reasons,” Hess said. “The shortage of priests is one reason. The priests have more and more on their plate so parishioners need to help.

“We’re called by our baptism to minister to those who mourn,” she said. “That’s part of our baptismal call as parishioners. Some of the things that we can do are to be there to support grieving parishioners in whatever ways they need help. When people have family members who live in another city or state, they feel isolated and don’t have anyone to share their grief with. It’s very important for the parish to look at the needs of the faith community.”

Hess said the Office of Family Ministries helps parishes look at the faith community’s needs and decide what the possibilities are for bereavement ministry and how to go about doing it. The archdiocesan agency also provides bereavement training for parish ministers and volunteers.

“We provide parishes with training and materials about death and dying,” Hess said. “We also offer periodic educational opportunities for men and women involved in bereavement ministry on the parish level. We are currently working with Catholic Cemeteries to bring in a presenter to talk about traumatic loss early next year.”

Hess said it’s important to know how to approach people when they are grieving about a loved one’s death.

“We are called to comfort those who mourn,” she said. “What the mourning person needs is someone to listen to them, not to offer advice or try to take away their grief because we can’t do that. They don’t need advice. They need to be able to tell their story over and over and over. They need someone to listen to how they are feeling. It’s a ministry of listening.”

Hess said the grieving person never forgets their loss and appreciates opportunities to talk about their spouse, child or other relative.

“The pain may diminish over time,” she said, “but you always remember your loved one. One of the hardest things for grieving people to do is come to Mass on Sunday. As time goes by, many people have a tendency to not mention the deceased person’s name. It’s very comforting when people remember the deceased person and the anniversary of their death by calling the grieving person to say, ‘I remember and I’m thinking of you.’ ”

(For more information about the St. Thomas Aquinas programs, call 317-253-1461. For more information about Office of Family Ministries programs, call 317-236-1596 or 800-382-9836, ext. 1596.) †